What To Do When You Can't Get An Erection

Any man who loses his erection during sex feels like he has lost his potency and his masculinity. Being able to get an erection and make love really is a man's most important sexual asset, so developing an erection problem can have a profound impact. In short, being potent is, to most men, a fundamental part of masculinity.

But here's the odd thing - many sex psychotherapists believe the major cause of erectile dysfunction is worrying about losing one's erection! In other words, if some problem has occurred that causes a man to lose his erection during sex, or not being able to get erect in the first place, he becomes anxious about it recurring so much and then he really does become impotent.

The somewhat surprising fact is that erection problems are common. This can happen for many reasons: you might not be in the mood for sex; you might be aware of the possibility that another person will see you making love; maybe sex went wrong for some reason last time you tried to make love; or even that you were simply too tired. Whatever the cause, you may have seen your erection problem as a major problem that cast a shadow over your whole identity as a man.

Unless you are emotionally secure enough to accept that these things happen from time to time, your self-doubt may increase, and your erection may be ever more unreliable.

As time goes by, an erection problem tends to get worse. This negative spiral of fear and failure to perform reinforces itself and may well produce a situation where you shy away from intimacy for fear of what may go wrong. And, just to make things even worse, a man who is struggling with erectile dysfunction will sometimes find he develops other problems like premature ejaculation.

Of course some men are more prone to this type of thinking than others. A man who shows perfectionist tendencies, or a man who believes he has to perform in bed at all costs, or someone who is totally goal-oriented, is likely to see this much more personally than a man who is less controlled. And some men will not tend to see himself as a man with a sexual dysfunction - he will think of himself as an impotent man.

Let tell you now, if you're in this position, that some things that are not going to help your penis regain its virility, including the following: finding a new sexual partner; looking at porn or having wild fantasies or acting them out; making love insensitively (e.g. pushing your penis into her as soon as it's erect and reaching orgasm as fast as you can); and even avoiding sex altogether.

But the great news is that you don't have to avoid sex just because you have erectile dysfunction! All you need to do is find the right treatment to help you recover your erection.
First of all, remember that getting hard is first and foremost a response to physical sexual stimulation (though of course it can also be a response to emotional stimulation, especially in younger men). If you devote too much time thinking about the possibilities that might happen, anticipating intercourse, and worrying about what may happen next, you may lose touch with your body and your ability to be physically aroused. You need to be in the moment when you're having sex, both physically and mentally.

Next, get checked out for physical problems. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by: diabetes, low hormone levels, stress, depression, anxiety, and many drugs, and various other medical problems. All of them can prevent you getting erect when you are sexually aroused.

The classic indication of a physical problem is the total absence of any erections even during the night. But this is somewhat ambiguous. What would you conclude if you get a partial erection when you masturbate?. Unless you are completely sure of your potency, the best way to check for physical problems is to go and see a doctor who specialises in male issues, one who knows what he's doing.

Third, get help for any deep-rooted emotional problems. If, for example, you had a childhood in which your mother ridiculed or belittled you, dismissed your feelings or discounted your opinions, needs and feelings, you won't be able to have secure intimate sexual relationship with a woman. The best way to treat with this problem is to get some good psychotherapy. If you think you might have homosexual urges, or a fear of intimacy, find a therapist who can help you grow to be physically or emotionally in relationship with another person.

Just because you're male doesn't mean you have to be able to have sex with any woman who comes your way. Your penis shows you the truth! What this means is that when you have the opportunity to make love with a woman who doesn't turn you on, you can say "thanks but no thanks" and still regard yourself as a man! And, if this happens and you suffer erectile failure, it might imply you need to be more selective in your sexual partners!

What's more, you don't have to be a sexual superman. A great example of this kind of male thinking is that many men think they have to be the leader at all times during lovemaking. It's these men who may lose their erection when something trivial happens: for example, when they can't find their partner's vagina, especially in the man on top position during sex. Instead of asking their partner to direct their penis in, they just thrust blindly, hoping to find the vagina. These guys need to loosen up and remember they aren't alone when they have sex!

And finally, some men need to be in a relationship to have sex successfully. If you are, don't attempt to make love with anyone who just happens to come along!

Other things to consider which may help you deal with erectile dysfunction: older men may need physical stimulation of their penis to get an erection; men can make love with a semi-hard penis; erections come and go during lovemaking; men often lose their erection when enjoying fellatio or putting on a condom; no man wants sex all the time; it's OK to say "no" to a sexual partner; you may not get an erection if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together.

The best way to deal with erectile dysfunction is to use a treatment program which avoids you having to go and see a doctor or therapist in person. There is a powerful and simple self-help program at http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com

Article Source: http://www.articleselections.com

Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist with www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com.

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